i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize