someone get that fucking seahorse.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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