I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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