i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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