i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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