mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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