it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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