yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
