At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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