turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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