the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
