I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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