you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
