I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
