drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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