dude i'm inner monologue high
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize