I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
