Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
