Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
