I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
