I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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