dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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