then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
