Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
