I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
