it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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