If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize