just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
