I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
