He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
