I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
