i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
