Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
