Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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