there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
