Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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