her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
