omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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