Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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