Where are you?
In a non slutty way
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
