My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
