i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
