you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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