I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
