I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
