i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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