so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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