Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
