He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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