are you still at the devil's house?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
