i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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