her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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