I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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