I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
