I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
