farters have to be the big spoon...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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