hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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