Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
