Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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