Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
