i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
