like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
