How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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