There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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