I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
